Consent exists not only in BDSM
When it comes to Consent, many people will immediately think of BDSM or sex. This is not wrong, but it is also not complete. In fact, Consent is a communication skill and mutual respect that we use every day, sometimes even more than we realize. If you look more broadly, you will see Consent appearing in family, love, friendship, work, and even in the very small interactions of everyday life.
What is Consent?
Simply put, Consent is the agreement given voluntarily, clearly, with full information, and can be changed at any time. The most important aspect of Consent is not whether a person says "Yes," but whether they truly have the right to choose. A person can only consent when they have the right to say "Yes," the right to say "No," the right to change their mind, and the right to stop without being pressured, manipulated, or fearing consequences.
That is why the important question is not "How do we get them to agree?" but "Do they really feel they have the freedom to choose?"
Consent is everywhere
Many people think Consent only relates to intimate moments, but in reality, we practice Consent every day. You ask a friend, "Can I sit here?", ask for permission before posting a picture with them on social media, ask a colleague if they have time to chat, or ask a partner if they want to talk about a sensitive topic right now. All of these are expressions of Consent.
On the contrary, when we take it upon ourselves to look at someone else's phone, continuously text them even though they have said they want space, share their personal stories without permission, or pressure someone to participate in an activity they do not want to, we are overlooking Consent, sometimes without even realizing it.
Love does not replace Consent
One of the most common misunderstandings is to think that when two people are in love, there is no need to ask anymore for it to be absolute intimacy. Many people think: "You understand me.", "We are in love now." or "Last time you agreed, so this time it should be the same." These assumptions are the cause of a lot of hurt in relationships.
No one can read another person's mind. No one should assume that yesterday's consent will continue to be valid today. People change with each circumstance, each emotion, and each stage of life. What someone is willing to do today may not be suitable tomorrow, and that is completely normal.
Consent does not take away romance
Sometimes I still hear the question: "If you have to keep asking, does it take away the feeling?" I think the opposite. What is more romantic than knowing that the person in front of you cares enough to ask how you feel? A question like "Do you want this?", "Shall we continue?" or "Are you still okay?" does not diminish intimacy. On the contrary, it creates a sense of safety for both to truly relax and connect with each other.
Trust is not built on assumptions. Trust is built when we know that our voice is always heard and our decisions are always respected.ng.no
Consent is a skill, not an instinct.
The unfortunate thing is that we spend many years learning knowledge in school but are rarely taught about consent, boundaries, or communication in relationships. Perhaps that is why many adults still find it hard to say "no," struggle to accept rejection, or do not know how to ask without putting pressure on others.
The good news is that consent is not an innate ability. It is a skill. And like any other skill, it can be learned, practiced, and improved over time. When we understand consent, we not only know how to protect ourselves but also how to make others feel safe when they are with us.
All healthy relationships start with consent.
In BDSM, consent is seen as the foundation of every dynamic. But looking broader, this is also true for love, marriage, family, friendship, and even the workplace. A relationship is only truly healthy when both feel they have the right to express desires, set boundaries, and change decisions without fear of judgment or punishment.
When a person knows how to listen, accepts the word "no," and respects the choices of others, they are not only practicing Consent. They are building a relationship based on trust, respect, and safety. And perhaps, that is the deepest meaning of Consent.
Learning about Consent from the ground up
If you want to understand more deeply about Consent, Boundaries, and how to build mature relationships, the Boundaries & Consent course will help you understand the foundational principles through the lens of psychology, communication, and conscious relationships.
The Boundaries & Consent course
Because Consent is not a skill just for BDSM. It is a skill for life.